Like many, I do time-out instead of spanking with my 3 1/2 year old stubborn, independent, very sassy daughter. I have designated a "special" corner for my Sassy One, but here's the thing: she won't stay in that corner. I've tried a number of things to try to get her to stay in time-out including standing by her (which only makes it worse, mind you), threatening her (sounds harsh, but it's true), and even holding her there. These tactics only result in an even more out-of-control Sassy One and a very, very tired mom. Yes, sometimes she will stay. But only sometimes.
How do I get her to make the choice to stay in time-out most of the time? I want HER to make the choice herself and reap those benefits of doing so; then realize the pattern: that good choices (i.e. choosing staying in time out) make for good consequences (i.e. time-out for only 3 minutes as opposed to 7 minutes of kicking and screaming!)
What works for you?
Sincerely,
Very tired of time-out mom
6 comments:
I had a similar problem with my daughter, who is now 4 1/2. She would not sit in time out. We had to threaten her with something that was very precious to her, a favorite toy. The toy would go in time out if she got off her pockets.
Now we have molded her to do the time without the threat. Mind you, time outs are still very loud on occasion, but at least she sits there. She is starting to catch on to the idea that if she is too loud in time out, more time gets added.
I found "123 Magic" was a good reference. We have to count a lot, but it usually stops at 2 before a big outburst.
I hear ya, sister- I have a sassy 3year old too. The two's were really good to me, but now we're dealing with they "tyrannical three's"
My pediatrician gave me some really good advice about this. He said to give the child one warning about the behavior. If it continues, send them to their room for as many minutes as they are years old. He said that it doesn't matter if there are a million toys in their room or not, they just need to be away from you and the rest of the family. If the kid can't act like a civilized person, they can't be with the people who are. Simple as that.
I also think that 3 might be a little too young to get the whole positive choices = positive consequences. To you and me this is a very rational concept. But I don't believe that 3 year olds are rational in any way, shape, or form! Plus when they are upset they can't think logically anyway- by then that ship has sailed. It is a good goal to eventually aim for, though.
I am no expert, this is purely my opinion, but I really love the Super Nanny. :) Her technique is to just keep putting the child back in the corner when she leaves. This could be like 10 or more times, and it probably will be exhausting for you. But the idea is to be consistent. Putting her back in time out doesn't need another explanation or any more attention than she's already getting (I think that's key). Eventually she'll learn to stay put.
In response to Marianne's pediatrician's recommendation of sending the child to her room -- I don't necessarily agree that that works. If your child is misbehaving, sending them to their room where they can play is rewarding the behavior you're trying to get rid of. Yes, you should remove them from the situation, but that's what the time-out corner/chair/rug is for.
All really good helps. Thanks guys! I'll give it a go, wish me luck. :)
I am new to this; my sister in law is gretchen. I have a 2 1/2 yr old who (ask gretchen) can tend to be a bit out of control. She def. is my most curious. We did the nose against the wall time out and that worked for a while, but then she realized mommy wasn't watching the whole time so she'd play and not care why she was in time. I finally resorted to putting her in her high chair; a confined place that made her bored as she is my very ACTIVE one.. It has worked!! She now hates going to time out and if she's doing something she isn't supposed to, a helpful, "do you want to go to time out?" reminder is all that is needed (most of the time). It gets better all the time. (Plus, I do a minute per age and after her time is up I of course ask her why she's in time out. Most of the time she understands and remembers why she's in time out.) It may or may not work for you. Good luck!!
g.
do you have a really good "stink eye"? if not, develop one. it comes in handy and can really help. tiff
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